A Ranma Nibunnoichi FanFic By Captain Exposition

Standard Threats and Reminders: No characters from Ranma 1/2 belong to me. I didn’t make ‘em. But Rumiko Takahashi did, and they belong to her or whoever she sold the rights to. So, if you the reader are one of her lawyers, please don’t sue me. I can’t pay you, as I am a student, which means I’m broke. However, the character Rei the ninja is mine, and cannot appear in anything I don’t put her in unless you ask me first. Captain Exposition sez! Also, this story may be reprinted, as long as you credit the author (me), print this warning, and make sure to cut me in on any profits. (Kidding! Kidding!) Obey these commands, or suffer the wrath of the author (me)! In the name of Moonies, I will punish you! ^_^

Akane Tendo had just come home from a trip to the ice skating rink with her school chums when disaster struck. After waving goodbye to her friends, she approached the house wearily. "Aah, that was fun," She said happily, "I haven’t gone skating in ages." She looked up at the house and noticed that all of the lights were out. "Hmm, that’s odd. I wonder what’s going on..."

Approaching the door, she spied a note taped to it. She reached out and plucked the note from the door and read it. It said: Akane: Your dad offered to take us out for ice cream. We waited a while, but since you weren’t home, we had to go without you. I’ll bring you back something, that is if Pops doesn’t eat it first. – Ranma

Crumpling the note in her fist, Akane growled, "That jerk Ranma! He couldn’t have waited just a little longer to eat something? That’s so typical of that pig-tailed stomach on legs!" After unlocking the door, Akane stomped through the kitchen and up the stairs, tossing the note in the garbage as she went. "Well fine!" She muttered to herself, "I don’t really want any ice cream any ways." But even as she said it, a little voice in her head declared, (What you wanted was to be with Ranma). She growled menacingly at the voice until it yelped in fear and retreated back to its dark corner. But even so, she admitted that there might have been something to what the voice had said. Maybe. Ranma did make her laugh sometimes…

She was still turning the voice's words over in her head when she opened the door to her room. As she reached for the light switch, she felt a hostile presence in the darkened room. Akane closed her eyes and extended her senses into the room, groping blindly for the origin of the hostility. A tiny scrape sounded behind her. She spun and moved into a defensive stance, shouting, "Who’s there?!" But no attack came. Akane wondered at where she had felt the danger emanating from when something dropped over her head, obscuring her vision. Her hands flew up and encountered rough burlap. A cloth sack, she thought. Since the feeling of danger had come from behind, she lashed out behind her with a powerful kick. The attack encountered nothing but air, leaving her slightly off balance. It was then that she felt a single finger poke her in the side of the neck, immediately causing her to sink to the floor. As she slipped into unconsciousness, she thought dazedly, I never even felt the attack coming. This person let me think they were behind me so they could get clean shot at me. Whoever they are, they’re good . . . Any other thoughts were cut short by her losing consciousness.

When Akane came to, she found herself sitting in a chair, with the sack still over her head. But when she tried to reach up and remove the bag, she found that she couldn’t move her arms. Panicking at her inability to move, she began to struggle, and cried out, "Hey! What gives?" But it quickly became apparent that she was tied very tightly with some sort of rough rope. Akane growled low in her throat. This always seemed to happen to her…

She ceased her struggling when a chuckle emanated from off to one side. The speaker, who sounded like a man, said, " Ah, you’re awake. Good. Now, let’s get that sack off of you, hmm?"

She heard someone stand and a few steps. Then the sack over her head was slowly pulled off, it’s rough weave scratching at her face. In the sudden light, she blinked twice, adjusting quickly. When her eyes cleared, she looked down at herself. She was sitting in a plain chair, with her hands tied behind her. A brief wriggle confirmed that her arms were bound as well as her hands, both of which were secured to the chair. Her attention was caught by another low chuckle, and she turned to regard her kidnapper. The person who had abducted her was a young man, her own age or maybe a year older at most. He had long black hair pulled back in a brief ponytail, as well as wire-rimmed glasses, which reflected the glare from the overhead lights brightly. He was handsome, in a bishonen way. Yet even so, something about his face seemed . . . odd, somehow looking as if his appearance had at one point been somehow altered. The would-be kidnapper said in a smug tone, "Don’t bother struggling. While you were unconscious, I hit a pressure point that saps your strength. You’re no stronger than an average girl now."

At Akane’s horrified expression, he launched into an absurdly drawn-out "evil mastermind" laugh. After what seemed an impossibly long interval of dramatic laughter, he finally stopped to try and catch his breath. Akane stared at him incredulously. "Who . . . who are you?"

Having recovered from the laughter, the strange boy ignored her question and turned to pick something up from beside the chair he had been sitting on. Holding it up, she saw that it was a vial of some viscous fluid, just a little cloudy. Moving closer, he said, "Drink this." Pinching her lips together tightly, Akane shot back, "Tell me who you are and why you kidnapped me, and what that is for that matter, and I’ll consider it."

He smiled coolly at her and responded calmly, "Listen, this is just a sleeping potion that’ll knock you out for a while. I can’t have you bumping around in here hurting yourself while I’m gone." Akane answered in a rebellious tone, "What if I don’t want to drink it?" The boy smiled and cracked his knuckles menacingly. "Then I put to you to sleep manually." Akane shrunk away slightly. She cried angrily, "What kind of boy hits a helpless girl?"

For some reason, this seemed to amuse her kidnapper. He replied with a smirk and a thumb jerked towards his chest, "This kind of boy, would be my guess." Akane looked into his eyes and got a bad feeling that he was serious. More than a little scared now, Akane timorously asked, "Will it do anything to me besides knock me out?" The boy smiled reassuringly and replied, "Not a thing. You’ll just take a nap for a few hours." Akane considered this. While Ranma’s enemies were often crazy, or idiots, they were usually honorable.

Praying to every deity she could think of, Akane hesitantly opened her mouth to accept the mysterious draft. If I do what he asks, he’ll let me go, she thought to herself. The boy smiled encouragingly and leaned forward to pour the fluid into her mouth. And as he did, Akane looked closer at his clothes. No, something was definitely wrong. He was wearing a black turtleneck and black jeans, normal clothes. But something about the way he looked was wrong. The thought was lost as the draught was placed at her lips. The boy’s smile widened as she swallowed it down. Hmm, Akane thought, it tastes kind of sweet. Well, that wasn’t so bad.

Swallowing the last of the stuff, Akane looked up at her captor. "Now can you please tell me who you are and what’s going on?" The boy grinned wider and replied. "Fair enough. You can call me... um, Tarou. Yeah, that’s it. My name is Tarou. And you, Akane Tendo, are the instrument of my revenge against Ranma Saotome!" This said, he began to laugh maniacally once again. Akane groaned and said, "Oh no! Not another one of Ranma’s old enemies! Where do you people keep coming from?!"

The boy who called himself Tarou cut off his laugh abruptly and stared down at Akane, his eyes gleaming unwholesomely. After several moments of his strange stare, she began to squirm a little. Seeing her squirming, Tarou turned around and picked something else up from the floor by the chair. Akane craned her neck to see what he held . He faced her and leaned forward, saying, "Say cheese..."

Before Akane could react, he held up a Polaroid camera and snapped off a single shot. Startled by the flash, Akane gasped and started back in the chair, almost tipping it over. To her horror, the gasp turned into a massive yawn.

Tarou chuckled at her dismayed expression. After sliding the photo into his pocket, he took a second from a different angle. As the picture slid out, he turned and started to walk away, calling over his shoulder, "I’ll be back in a while, so if you need anything, just holler. Nighty-night…" Akane tried to call him back, but when she opened her mouth, another huge yawn slid out. Tarou laughed as he exited through the door on the far side of the room.

Akane’s eyes began to water with unshed tears of frustration as she heard a key in the lock. With a visible effort she calmed herself, using a simple breathing exercise to isolate her feelings of fear and helpless rage, and then destroy them. In a display of raw willpower, she concentrated on the sleepiness and pushed it into a corner of her consciousness. With a deep breath, she focused all of her energies on the sleepiness. Akane was pleased to note that the feeling began to diminish rapidly.

This first conflict effectively resolved, Akane took a moment to really look around at her surroundings. The room was lit by track lighting on the ceiling, which illuminated an empty room made of brick, underground, judging by the building material and steel support beams. The only furniture was the chair she was on, the chair Tarou had been sitting on, and a small table in the middle of the empty floor. She noted a drape of black cloth hanging from the wall. An apron or something of that nature? Maybe they were in some sort of empty storage-room for a store, or a restaurant.

It was then that the first wave hit her, a powerful sensation of sleepiness, accompanied by a jaw-cracking yawn. She forced it down by again exerting her will to stay awake, though she did yawn again despite herself. She wished she could have pinched her arm, or rubbed her eyes, but the ropes prevented it. So instead she tried to distract herself by looking around the room further. Another surge hit her, so hard that she became dizzy and disoriented for a moment. She thought, That stuff he made me drink is stronger than I thought! But any further thoughts were cut short by another surge of sleepiness. Squeezing her jaws shut, she waited and forced herself not to yawn. When she unclenched her jaw, another wave of dizziness hit her hard. Akane slumped forward and closed her eyes, fighting against the drug-induced sleep.

After the next wave of drowsiness, she began struggling against the ropes in earnest, desperate to get free. But her writhing proved fruitless, for her kidnapper had not lied when he said her strength was depleted considerably. The combination of the weakening shiatsu and the sleep potion made her about as strong as a kitten. When she stopped, the room seemed pleasantly warm, at least to her. Her body felt light, almost as if she was floating. Worn out by the exertion of trying to free herself, she leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes, letting the sleep come. Damn it Ranma, she thought as she drifted into a drugged and uneasy sleep, haven’t you noticed I’m gone?

When the others came home, they did not in fact notice Akane’s absence, the result of an ongoing battle between Ranma and his father over the container of ice cream Ranma had gotten for Akane. Ranma had already knocked his father into the canal that ran through Nerima twice by the time they reached the house. As he walked through the door, still holding the ice cream protectively close to his chest, he noted that the note was gone from the door. Following Mr. Tendo and Kasumi into the kitchen, he called out,

"Hey Akane! We’re home and we brought you some ice – hey!" He chased after his father, who, still in panda form, had snagged the ice cream and dashed into the back yard, waving a sign that read, [Come and get it boy!]

In pursuit of his delinquent father, Ranma failed to notice when Nabiki walked out into the yard calling his name. When his father leaped into the air in an attempt to avoid his son, Ranma smirked. Mid-air combat was his specialty. With a mighty jump he launched himself onto his air-born father’s head, snatching the ice cream back and tossing it to Nabiki, who stood by the pond. Grinning at his annoyed father’s loud "Whurf!", Ranma tensed to leap from his father to the far side of the pond, a plan foiled by Genma seizing his son’s ankle as he fell.

When Nabiki saw the painfully obvious conclusion to the fight looming ahead, she quickly picked up a conveniently placed umbrella from the ground and opened it protectively over her head. The pair of martial artists fell into the pond with a loud SPLOOSH, sending up an impressive geyser. Nabiki handed the ice cream to Kasumi, who had come out with two kettles of hot water, having sensed that they would soon be needed. Soun came over to watch the two struggle from the pond towards the kettles as Kasumi went smilingly back into the kitchen with the ice cream.

When Ranma-chan came dripping from the pond with a disgusted look on her face, Nabiki held out a large envelope with Ranma’s name written across the front. " This was on the porch Saotome. Didn’t you see it?" Ranma-chan shook her head, and gingerly took the envelope from her, taking care to keep it as dry as possible. " Naw," The cursed girl said, " I was too busy defending the ice cream from this pig in panda’s clothing!" So saying, she turned and punted her father over the wall surrounding the Tendo Dojo. Still scowling, Ranma looked at the envelope curiously. " I wonder what this is..?" Nabiki supplied, " It appears to be a letter, and there I believe there’s a photo included."

Ranma stared at Nabiki. "You didn’t open it did you?" Soun turned to sternly admonish his daughter,

"Nabiki! It is rude to open another’s mail!" Genma, who had crept back over the wall and utilized one of the kettles, chimed in, "Yes, very rude indeed!" Without turning, Ranma kicked her father back into the pond, causing him to return to panda form.

Nabiki glared around. "Of course I didn’t open it! What kind of person do you think I am?" Ranma and Soun relaxed. Her father mumbled, "That’s my girl . . ." Without turning a hair, Nabiki said, "I held it up to a lamp." Ranma and Soun facefaulted loudly. Standing back up, Ranma opened the letter, out of which fell a Polaroid photo. The letter read: Saotome – If you ever want to see Akane Tendo with all of her body parts attached again, come to Furinkan High tonight at midnight. Come alone. I will meet you on the roof above the clock. Enclosed is a little incentive to be honest. - An Old Acquaintance

Ranma crumpled the letter in his hand and stared at it. "What the heck?!" Nabiki leaned over and picked up the photo. When she turned it over to look at it, she gasped and turned deathly pale. Ranma snatched the photo from her suddenly limp hand. It was a photo of Akane, tied to a chair and looking mad enough to kill a horse with a look alone. Everyone save Genma, who was still wallowing in the pond, stared in dumb amazement at the photo. Ranma summed up everyone’s general feeling in a single word; "Crap."

Akane was awakened by someone pinching lightly at her nose, and tickling her cheeks. A startled gasp escaped the kidnapped girl as her eyes shot open. Sitting directly across from her was Tarou, who had been the one seeking to wake her. He smirked as she tried to pull her dazed senses into full awareness. "Took you a while."

With a tongue that still felt thick and wooden, Akane stammered out, "H-how long was I asleep?" Tarou shrugged mildly and answered, "Oh, a few hours. I didn’t give you much. Don’t worry about side effects, by the way. That sleeping drug was all-natural herbs." Akane shot back in a biting tone, "Gee, thanks. I feel a lot better now, really."

Instead of being annoyed, Tarou stood and stretched lithely, like a cat. Again, Akane was struck by that sense of something being odd about Tarou. It was something about his body, the way he moved as he raised his arms to stretch. He smiled down at her and said, "My, Ranma sure found himself a little spitfire." As Tarou said this, there was an almost undetectable tightness around his eyes. Akane looked back at him without showing the slightest amount of the uneasiness in her heart. "How do you know Ranma, anyway?"

Tarou answered stiffly, "That’s my business." Akane sighed and said irritably, "Well, what are you going to do with me then, or is that your business too?"

Tarou chuckled and tapped her on the tip of her nose with one finger. "You my dear," He said grandly, "Are going to be bait in a trap." Akane scowled at him, but said nothing. Leaning closer, her captor took her chin in his hand and turned her head slightly. Akane did not resist, but she did glare all the more fiercely. Tarou looked at her thoughtfully. "Though I must say, you are a pretty little thing. How’d you end up with a slob like Ranma?"

Even though it had come from someone like this strange boy who had kidnapped her, Akane felt herself color slightly when he called her pretty. Twisting her head away, she muttered sullenly, "Our parents arranged it. I certainly didn’t have any choice in the matter!" Tarou made a thoughtful sound. He nodded and replied, "Well, that makes sense. He didn’t strike me as a real Casanova the last time I saw him either. I’ll bet he’s never even learned to kiss, either."

Akane looked up at her captor in confusion. "What’s that got to do with anything?" Tarou made an exaggeratedly innocent face and said with a shrug, "I just figured that no girl would want to marry a guy who couldn’t even kiss." Akane stared at him suspiciously. "What are you trying to say?"

The black-clad boy pushed his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose in a move that reminded Akane forcibly of Mousse. In a nonchalant tone, he said, "Oh, I don’t know, it’s just that I’ve always considered myself a pretty competent kisser, that’s all…" Akane stared at him as she felt her heat rise. Oh, he had better not be thinking what I think he’s thinking! She thought furiously. But as soon as the rage came, it was replaced with an idea that seemed so ridiculous, that it might even work. In her head, Akane prayed to the gods for lenience. Then, she lowered her eyelashes demurely and said, "Oh, really?" Visibly spurred on by her shy demeanor, Tarou said, "Well, I haven’t exactly kissed a lot of girls," Here, he smirked somewhat bitterly, "but the ones I have kissed all gave back good reviews."

While trying not to do something rash and violent, Akane smiled as seductively as she knew how, which is to say rather clumsily, and said, "Well, I’ve never really been kissed, so…" She closed her eyes and prayed that Ranma would never learn of this. She had to bite her lower lip as Tarou said in a sly tone, "Well, no time like the present, I always say…" Forcing back an urge to scream, Akane looked up at him and smiled, nodding slightly. Tarou smiled back triumphantly, as if he had just scored a point of some sort. With a grin that reeked of confidence, he leaned down until his face was inches from hers… "Wait." Tarou halted his approach at Akane’s quiet voice. "What is it?" He asked, the annoyance he obviously felt concealed rather well, in Akane’s opinion.

Now to set the hook…Akane thought as she asked the crucial question. She took pains to remain smiling as she asked in a shy voice, "C-could you untie me? I don’t want to be tied up for my first kiss…" Tarou looked at her suspiciously for all of a second before smiling indulgently. As he slipped a small knife from his sleeve, he answered, "Well, I don’t see why not. But first…"

Oh Ranma…forgive me…This was the thought running through Akane’s mind as Tarou brought his face up to hers. Closing her eyes, Akane tried to form a mental picture of someone she wouldn’t mind kissing. When she kept coming back to Ranma, she angrily thought, Why should I imagine kissing that hentai? This whole stupid situation is his fault! Besides, I’m not in love with him! I’m…oh gods… All further thoughts slipped from her mind as Akane felt lips touch hers gently. She clenched her teeth and focused on the ropes coming undone as the lips pressed more firmly against her own. Ranma…this is your fault! I hate you! Akane thought furiously. But then, the kiss ended as Tarou retreated. Akane opened her eyes slowly and felt the ropes drop to the floor.

Tarou straightened and looked down at her smugly as Akane stretched her arms and rubbed her chafed wrists. "So," He asked, "How was it?" Akane looked up at him and smiled. Then she stood up and held her arms wide, as if she intended to embrace her captor. Tarou raised an eyebrow curiously. Akane smiled a little wider and answered, "It was just great." Then, without dropping the smile, she punched him harder than she had ever hit anyone before in her life, knocking his glasses off in the process. Tarou’s eyes rolled up in his head as he fell over backwards and hit the floor with a Thump. Akane smiled at the sound, crossing her arms and snorting in satisfaction. But as she did, she saw some sort of makeup smeared across the side of the hand she had decked Tarou with. She shrugged, not worrying about it. Now she could get out of here, find Ranma, and come back for this twistoid. And then once Ranma stomps him, I’ll have Dr. Tofu cure me, so I can stomp him next! But when she thought this, something occurred to her. Oh no! She thought, Tarou zapped me with that strength-sapping pressure point! I don’t know if that punch was strong enough to take him out . . .

Akane was just steeling herself to turn around and face her no doubt enraged kidnapper when she heard a strange sound from the floor, a sort of whimpering sigh. Hesitantly turning, she saw the one thing she was not prepared for: Tarou knelt on the floor covering his face with one hand while holding the other over his heart. The sound she had heard was him crying into his palm. Totally thrown off, Akane stammered, "T-Tarou?"

Her former captor looked up at her, giving Akane another shock. His ponytail had come undone from her punch, causing Tarou’s hair to frame his face far more naturally. Also, the makeup he had been wearing to make his chin and cheekbones wider and his nose less graceful-looking had come off, most to Akane’s right cross, the rest from the tears coursing down his face. This combination made the boy look decidedly... girly. Tarou stared defiantly at her and sniffled. "So now you know, huh?" He said, his voice noticeably higher than it had been. "Know w-what?" Akane said.

Tarou rolled slightly puffy eyes and stood up, his tears subsiding. "Jeez, but you’re dense!" He exclaimed. Akane growled, for Tarou sounded a little too much like Ranma for her taste. But her anger was forgotten, as Tarou’s body seemed to settle into a more natural stance. He relaxed his legs, as well as straightened his back and settled his shoulders. And when he did this, Akane noticed his hips were too wide. And for that matter, his waist was too narrow. And now that she paid attention, his wrists were kind of slender for a boy. Tarou sneered defiantly at her open staring. "Get it yet?" When Akane continued to stare, Tarou grasped the hem of his black turtleneck and said, " I guess I’ll just have to spell it out for you."

Without another word, he pulled the bottom of his shirt up to his chin, revealing a white linen chest wrap, which covered a perfectly normal pair of...breasts. Akane’s eyes bugged out as she stared at the small amount of pale cleavage showing above the wrap. Tarou covered his – no, her – chest with her arms, tears streaming anew. "That’s right Akane. I’m a girl pretending to be a boy... AND IT’S ALL RANMA SAOTOME’S FAULT!!" Akane sank to her knees before the furious girl, her mind stuck in neutral. The only thought running through her head was, My first kiss, and it’s with some cross-dressing girl who hates Ranma. Well, that’s just great. Why me? And why does this all sound sort of familiar?