|
|
Thoughts 
| ||
My life, as long as it had been, has not been that eventful. I look back at my life and want to sigh at the boredom of the whole thing. I know it really hasn't been, but pictures, mostly taken by other people, don't capture what I want out of an event. Others may look at my pics and go, "Why did he shoot that?" without realizing that in some way, that single picture sums up the whole thing right there. Then suddenly, my life doesn't seem all thta boring anymore. I know I've lived a great life, and one with lots of note worthy events. Just wish I had better pictures.....:P June 28th, 2:07am. Hmmmm.....I want to draw better so that I can get a half worthy pic of a swahbuckling fox to put on my arm or back. Thing is, I feel very bad about my skills and an artist. Many artist I have met through my life have the same problem. (an artist is his own worst critique) I have found some nice pics I like, many people like Terrie Smith make me want to do really good work, and they show me what the work I want to do looks like. Thing is, not only do conventional art colleges and universities not teach you these styles (and subjects) of art, but do not ALLOW them in the class room. Why? Because my dear friend, they don't exist! One simple reason. How can you draw a dragon, a furry, or somthing totally weird without seeing it before you? I'll tell you how, WITH YOU F**KING IMAGINATION YOU TWIT!!!! You know, that thingy in your head that helps you to be an artist?!!!! I mean come on, really, that's why it's there! Anyway, enough of that....(*chuckle* If any of my teachers ever read this...:P, now you know what's in my head, wait until you see my boxes of doom! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!) So yeah, that's what I'm doing as I update this page. I'm looking at pics to find one that would make a cool tattoo. And if I find an artist that inspires me to draw, (and there are only 2-5 furry ones that can) thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!! *gives a whole truckload of cupcakes* Well, those are my thoughts this time around, talk to you later!!!! Aug. 18th, 12:43pm Been wanting to type somthing in this page for a while, but didn't get around to updating it until today. Ever get the feeling that the general public is dumber than you? I'm sure you have, we all have. The thing is, mabye some of them are, but mostly every one else is around your level...average. There was this quote once: 'Those that think themselves special, usually aren't. It's those that don't think they are that truly are special.' That's a good humbling quote, because at times, we do think ourselves special, but ALL of us are special in our own ways. Ok, so so-and-so is better at sports/spelling/hopping on one leg. So what?! You have skills that are equal to them, and better. Everyone is beter at somthing, it's called talent. Take pride in what you do well, just don't let yourself become too full of yourself, ok? Oct. 25th, 9:44am At school right now, nothing much happening. Class is class, I'm not in it right now because I can't sit down for a small amount of time and work on my sculpture. Just the way I am. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. I mean, art is all based on how you're feeling and how you're talent's willing to work, not to mention the medium that you are to use, it has to work with you. I'm doing copper, not that bad of a medium, though I would rather use my wooden boxes, but oh well, it happens eh? Mid-Terms are coming up, so I have to work hard on my painting's too since sculpture's mid-term is already ready to be marked. One project is my mid-term, great eh? :P Well, I really don't have all that much to rant about today, mabye another time when I have other things to talk about and rant to you on this page. Hope you're day at work, home, school, etc.., is going good. Talk to you later! 
Nov. 17th, 8:47pm I'm at my grandparent's house right now which is a few hours away from my house. I love it here, and I wish I could be here instead of having to wait a while before I actually get to go here next school year. So here I sit, listening to Metallica's S&M, drinking 1L of Coke, alone (alas), but quite happy in this small world of mine. Me happy? Hell yeah! But that's not what I'm here to talk about. My rant today is about....man, you know I come here and sit down, and I blank on everything I could have ranted about. Now I sit here and all I can think about is how happy I am and how most people really aren't happy with thier lives. I'm happy, I'm content, and yes, I know that it may not last, but I am enjoying it now. I've had too much non-happiness in my life, it's time I enjoyed it instead of getting bummed out or thinking about what the future holds. Mind you, I don't stop thinking about the future, but it's not the bad things that could happen to me. (instead it's the good things that could happen to me.) This bothers some people, one of them a good friend of mine who isn't really happy, and it bothers him that I've reached what he wants....contentment. Could I teach him? I don't know.....I COULD try, and might, we'll see. So what really am I ranting about? Just that I'm happy. Sucks for you eh? :p (unless you're happy too, which in that case, GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!) Jan. 25th/2001, 12:47am Hello all, Happy New Year! (both Chinese and Western) So, where shall I start this thought? I'm sick. I have somthing. Runny nose, sore throat, cough, and dull aches are the latest things my body has decided to do to me. Before, it was cough, aches, chills, and a slight sore thoat. I missed school and work because of it. (since I work retail it's not all that good to be sick) Now, why didn't I go to a doc? Why didn't I? A friend of Helen's, we'll call her Nyc, she felt so in pain from her back she cried. What did she do? NOTHING!!!! I told her, Helen told her, heck, lots of people told her to go to the doctor. Her excuse? She wasn't brought up that way. My excuse for not going? I don't want to. Plain and simple, I don't want to. Oh, I will, come Saturday now, because I've had this for a couple of weeks and if it lasts that long I usually get concerned. Time to go to the doc.....Really, I don't mind. Yeah, I have a few viruses in my mind that I think it might be. Everything from flu to (horrible spelling alert) phemonia. (which I have had before when I was a child) Oh yeah, I'll probably get some anti-biotics. Doesn't help when your doc has a rep of doing so, and does give out drugs as opposed to actually caring about patients. Do I mind? No, not really, because that's what I probably need. I need to get diagnosed, then treated. Nothing more, nothing less. So wish me luck, and hope it's nothing serious, and that I'll get well soon. And I guess that's concludes my thoughts. March 6th/2001, 1:14am Five weeks of school left. Can you feel the fear in the air? Feel the tension in your muscles? Yep, crunch time.....but wait, pressure is a good motivator, isn't it? Depends, but that's not why I'm here. I'm here to talk about being an artist. I have one teacher, and unlike other courses, his/her bias can effect my mark, depending on weither or not he/she likes my work or not. Only TWO, to this date have proven themselves to be unbias. Dave and Pierre(sp?) have proven to be the only two teachers EVER to this point that have looked at things and were able to crit them without being bias. That is the mark of a good teacher. I am in school to learn how to create good art, and the talents and skills to do so. I am NOT there to learn how to produce what my teachers like. Many people have stated to do what the teachers like, so that I will gain a good grade. Sacrifice my creativity to gain marks. Others (and a lower number I have to mention) have stated that I should do what I want. So who do I follow? I'll let you think on that, and if you want, you can tell me in the guestbook if you really want to help me to decide. Thanks. March 28th/2001, 7:40pm So here I am at school. Yes, school, at 7:40pm. What am I doing? Looking up research stuff. So yeah, thought I'd come and write. As you can guess, I'M SINGLE!!! No, this isn't good, this is f**king BAD!!!! *sigh* Ok look, you can't go through two years and just put it aside like somthing, you know? It's driving me insane, I'm hurting deep inside, and I can't do anything that feels good without destroying myself. (I'm a big one for self punishment) I drink Coke, because it acts like prozzak for me, and it helps me to feel good about myself and dulls the pain. First sign of an addict eh? *evil smile* Ok, so most of my positive attitude is faked at the moment, I can't help it. It's hard to be happy when you're not, and it's hard to care when you lost the thing you really cared about. *growl* I should go, I'm getting in a badish mood. Let me pray that you all out there don't loose what I lost, because if you do, I pity you and feel sorry for you, because that's how I feel about myself right now. I lost, I lost, that's all I can say. *sigh* Sucks....
April 3rd/2001, 4:06pm Work, work, work!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Ok, obviously I'm feeling a bit better...ok, a lot better. Oh....so you want to know what happened eh? I went out of town.....and discovered a few things about myself. I know, I know, what the heck are you talking about? Helen and I needed this break. We needed to step away from the accumulating baggage and just be free from the commitment for a while. (how long I don't know) So here I am, free....and I love it. Things are happening a lot more interestingly, (gotta love the spelling on that one! :P) and I kinda like it. Anyway, I have to go work, just though I'd tell all of you that yes, I'm ok. (and alive for those that are really concerned) I thank you all that wrote, and I will keep you informed. Thanks. *hugs* April 5th/01, 3:41am I just watched one of my good friends cry his heart out. He was drunk, and that got down a lot of his walls, and he cried. The cause, he was dumped. Right now I'm not to pleased with the female sex. I have seen my friend get dumped, myself get dumped, another guy get an engagement broken off after four years, and a co-worker get dumped. See a pattern? They didn't do the dumping, the girls did. What the heck is going on. (I'm trying not to swear, so you know) Tonight, I am angry, and hurt. Tonight I have very little faith in relationships. Why? Because they will hurt you, because they always do. Men aren't sensitive....right. You expect us not to be, just because we can hide our emotions better. You want us not to? Do you know what that'd be like? Scary. Really scary..... To my friend's ex, you'll never read this, but you are a real asshole. You broke up for screwed up reasons, and you are a coward. You ran, you ran you bitch, and you left my friend who actually really cared about you alone, hurt. And you laugh. I know you do, his and my friends see you laughing, and mocking the relationships. Well SORRY, I guess you didn't get into it because you wanted someone, you did it to play around, and I hope someone screws you over later on. You deserve it! As to my ex, yes, I'm angry at you right now. I still think your reasons for breaking up are bad, and I don't really accept them, but I had to, because I cared about you, and still do. Look, I couldn't just sit around waiting like a dog for you to mention coming back while you dated others and tried to figure out what the world was like without me. When you do, and you're ready to come back and actually care about me and share your feelings with me, then tell me, and we shall take it from there. Fair enough? But for now, I'm angry at the females of the world. I know not all of you are bad, like the girl comforting my friend, or the one's that I have as friends (Cara, Wendy, and a few others) but there are (like men) bad one's out there, and to you, I shake my head. One of these days, someone will hurt you, and then you will be sorry, and I hope, I HOPE that you realize what you've done to everyone in your past, and it hurts. I hope it hurts you a lot. Fin. | ||
|
This page has been visited
|
