The city was dissolving into its own shell. Its tentacles of writhing wires served the network well. Transportation was fast, communication was efficient. The background of tall cemented blocks rose up into the sky – everything was shrinking, everything was tinged with a touch of glossy metal and everyone was claustrophobic.

There wasn’t any sky here. I was in a metal box in a black hole - destination: Tokyo University.

8.18am. Morning.

He was here with me. Together we stood; eyes refusing to meet each other, forced by circumstances to stand side by side. No one looked at anyone. They read manga, newspapers or listened to the Discman as I do when I cycle.

It was an ordinary day in my ordinary life.

And I'd give up forever to touch you

The choking invisible gas filled the whole train. No one seemed to know what was going on. The passengers all around me were groaning in nausea. It was a nightmare. There was no physical opponent to tackle - no goal to aim the ball at.

Was it a bomb of some sort? Or has the Empire finally crashed? Or maybe it was the end of the world.

Some gagged and some vomited a strange gruesome kind of chunky liquid. The train was filled with screams and every other imaginable cry of pain on earth. But who cares the fuck about them?

I cannot hear anything other than Hanamichi’s voice.

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Fear was a cyborg – and it was alive. I had to struggle with its teeth on my flesh and it was growing – gorging itself on my blood.

Don’t fall dead on me, do’aho …

But Hanamichi only shook his head and sneezed.

"Are you all right?" I ask, as calmly as I can make myself say.

"I am the tensai." Came the proud childish reply.

The poison gas would take only minutes to get to us.

The train jerked forward then, it lurched; then launched itself forward like a rock thrown against a cliff in a black sea. We all fell, hurled against the floor as if there was an invisible force around us.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

He fell against me, and I cradled his head. I don’t want to let go, because I know I would not have this chance to hold his head against my chest like this again.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, a tinge of worry escaping from my voice.

He only stared at me in surprise, then pushed me away in annoyance.

"Why are you suddenly so nice to me?" He rubbed his head and scowled and then I noted the sudden softening of his eyes when he gazed at the suffering passengers around us.

He is the only person on earth who can make my heart pound.

His head was bleeding from the gash. He must have knocked into something before he crashed into me. The blood drove me crazy. Was it the poison gas or was it just me? I suddenly felt a strange urge to do something but I have no idea what it was.

And I don't want to go home right now

How long has it been? It seemed as long as forever. I could see that he was having difficulty breathing. The gas got to everyone. There was a haze in my head – as if everything was colored white and my only anchor was this red head lying next to me.

He lay still.

No sound, no nothing.

I felt something sharp grip my heart and I made myself get up.

And all I can taste is this moment

His lips didn’t feel particularly soft as I have imagined. Nor was it moving against me as I have dreamt. But I didn’t do this just to allow myself the pleasure of kissing him.

We were crouched down at one of the corners of the train. The young ones seem to survive longer than the older ones. Most of the elderly folk were already on the floor. Dead, I suppose. Or perhaps they just fainted.

There was no way I could faint now – not when I could hold Hanamichi in my arms like this.

And all I can breathe is your life

His head was against my chest again and I leaned in, smelling his hair. It wasn’t fragrant like a girl’s - it was drenched in sweat, the kind you get after staying in a small, narrow carriage of a dysfunctional train with a dysfunctional air-con.

"Breathe … " I whispered raggedly. Cupping his chin, I licked his lips first then moved in, feeling the warm mouth as deeply as I can. Holding it as long as I can, I started to breathe into him. I wasn’t even sure if it was oxygen or some poison gas anymore.

'Cause sooner or later it's over

He coughed first, and then a mist clouded in his eyes. He looked up at me, cradled in my arms. I didn’t realize that I was gripping him so tightly until he threw back my arms, grimacing.

Does it hurt for you to be in my embrace?

There was no time to react as his emotions ran across each other on his face. The gash has dried somewhat – leaving a trail of thick blood on his forehead.

He brought his fingers to his lips, and then looked at me; confusion shouting out loud in his body language. I wanted to lick the blood on his forehead dry there and then. I wanted to take his fingers and suckle them until he felt the fervent desperation I felt.

I just don't want to miss you tonight

Whoever said I was the dominant one? Hanamichi has the power to crush me with one single word.

I don’t show it but it kills me inside. Soon, he will break down all my walls. And soon, there will be no place to hide.

I backed away from him, shifting towards the carriage walls. This gleam in his eyes was hurting me – was he going to get angry with me again?

Why does he always rail at me when we get close?

"The poison gas has gotten to you." The calm façade I hid behind was perfect. Let him think that I do not care.

"I didn’t faint." Eyes narrowing now, he advanced towards me, half-crouched. "I was just – resting my eyes."

I had to bit back a sharp retort to that.

"Whatever."

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

There was no way I could handle rejection, so I never thought to ask. If I saw something I could take, I took it. If I liked something, I went ahead to make it mine. Only mine.

When I wanted something, I gave it my full attention. Everything seemed like just a game to Hanamichi. He doesn’t think like me. The red head goes around with clouds in his head.

What naïve stupidity.

I don’t understand why I feel like this – for him.

When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

Was it so hard to ask? Why was it so hard for me to like someone? And it had to be a bloody guy … …

Hanamichi only frowned and glared at me. What was his problem now?

And then a strange thing happened, he now crouched down in front of me, eyes intent on a vague spot to the left of me. It was as if he didn’t know where to look.

Does he want to hit me again? He seems to like doing that.

True to my prediction, the first thing he did was to raise one fist and smash it against my face. I crashed against the wall of the carriage a second time that day. It didn’t hurt.

It didn’t hurt because this was one of the few ways that I could get him to touch me involuntarily.

My jaw felt broken but I know the damage was slight. Hanamichi makes a big show out of beating me up and I play along. But we both know it will never get more serious than that.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

A guy doesn’t cry. It was an accepted fact. I despise guys who cry.

I focused my eyes on the beads of sweat on Hanamichi’s brow. His face was pale – perhaps mine was paler.

If Hanamichi stayed back to clean the gym, I made sure I stayed back too. If Hanamichi hit me, I told myself to hit him back. My reaction to that fist was simply to hit back at him blindly. It was stupidity to engage in such little games but I did it anyway.

Or the moment of truth in your lies

He didn’t flinch from my fist – which was surprising. I caught myself before I could show my shock and then I leaned forward, catching his cheeks in my palms.

"You could have avoided that, do’aho!"

I checked the side of his right cheek, which was swiftly growing red from the impact. Oh good, first we were made to breathe in poison gas, and then we had to endure a crash. Now we had to punch each other to death.

When everything feels like the movies

It felt unreal – all of it. Me, and him together crouching down on the floor – surrounded by people, who were still coughing their guts out.

No one had the energy to bother with us.

Or maybe its because I am homophobic. Maybe deep down, I despise myself for liking a guy. Maybe this is why I can’t show my affection.

But – he is not just anyone. He is Hanamichi – who just happened to be a guy.

Was this a nightmare? For now, I don’t want to wake up. Not yet – for he is allowing me to touch him. We stayed there, just staring at each other – until his face started to grow warm from the heat of my palms.

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

It upset me to see the blood flowing from the gash in his forehead. It made a knife twist inside me every time he forced me to hit him. This was why I always cut my fingernails – so I wouldn’t scratch him accidentally when we fight.

I was losing control.

The blood trickled down his cheeks, and then it flowed down my fingers. It was an entrancing sight.

"Baka." He cursed, his gaze now turning into a hot piercing glare. And then he did it again, he raised his fingers to his lips, to the exact spot where I had kissed. His glare faded, and it was replaced by a strange look I didn’t recognize.

He touched my lips with his fingers.

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I could still taste the blood on his fingers as my tongue flicked involuntarily against them. Logic and thought flew away.

Right now, there was only Hanamichi, and he was here - right in front of me. Last night still hurt.

He and his friend were together again. Don’t they get sick of each other? They see each other everyday. Is it not enough?

What’s his name again – ah, Youhei. The one who came to the gym while Mitsui and his gangsters were creating trouble.

I hate him. Every time I see them laughing together, joking and smiling with no care in the world – I want to crush him and smash him into pieces.

He left last night with Youhei after basketball practice. I had expressly stayed back to practice while Hanamichi cleaned up the gym, just so I could be with him. And he left – just like that – with him … ! With Youhei … …

I had to do something. So I did the next best thing. I picked a fight. It wasn’t difficult. The fight was over some small matter – something so trivial that I couldn’t even remember what it was we quarreled about. But I do remember the ending clearly – the whole nonsensical episode ended with Youhei hurriedly tearing the two of us apart, and then bringing Hanamichi away.

"It’s no wonder you are always alone – " Youhei said quietly before he left with the fuming red head. "You are too intense."

"Loosen up." He had said, before pulling Hanamichi away.

I don’t even know Youhei well.

Intense? What the fuck did he mean?

And I don't want the world to see me

It was no wonder we were both in a bad mood when we saw each other. We boarded the train at the same time. Was this called fate?

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

I don’t understand. Was everything controlled by fate? I am losing myself in his gaze. How can I let myself loose? If I do as Youhei says - would I scare Hanamichi away?

When everything's made to be broken

Do not – do not – hurt yourself.

When was the rescue team coming? Do they not care?

Nothing survives for long in this world. Everything dies.

Everything.

I just want you to know who I am

I press forward, my fingers gripping his chin. I don’t know who first slid one arm around the other, or brushed one’s hand through the other’s hair, or whose tongue first touched the other.

What did it feel like? Tell me … …

Let me know what it feels like when I kiss you. Let me feel what you feel when I let my fingers slide down your back.

Let me understand what it means to be with you.

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Some people say they would be happy as long as their loved one is happy. It doesn’t matter whether they are together or not.

What kind of fucked up thinking is that? How can I not be with you?

I admit it – I am selfish.

When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I want you.

Harlow ^_^ I finally wrote something. This fic is written for my #10 001 guest - Yenko. Erm, #10 001 because I can't seem to find #10 000 x_X Kekekekeke ...

Yenko, here's wishing you good luck for your exams *smiles* You asked for a Ruhana ... well, I think this is some sort of a Ruhana. And oh yah, I was inspired by this song called "Iris", by the Goo Goo Dolls.

I love this song! ^_^
Sf

note #1: This is mainly from Rukawa's point of view. And this isn't some kinda social commentary or anything ^^;;; My opinion is that its a lil OOC but ah well .. ^_^

note #2: This is kinda angsty.