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TopProject List: Screen 2


TopProject List: Screen 3


TopBasics

TopMain Dishes

TopSalads

TopSandwiches

TopBrekfist


TopSides

TopIf you are a man, in America today, the chances are that you are going to have to make your own food on a fairly regular basis. This is not particularly difficult, but like most things, if you don't know how, it can seem difficult. So, because I need the money, I am writing a book to tell you how. If I can do it, you can to. Believe me. (Cook, I mean, not write books.) This is not a cookbook. It is a how to do it book, like how to rebuild a carburetor, or how to build a bookcase, or how to install your own home theater system. It does not contain recipes. It contains projects in the kitchen that result in meals you can eat. It is not about healthfood, it is not about gourmet food. It is about eating in the real world. Where one guy needs enough food to keep from starving, and not so much that it will spoil before he can eat it all. It is also about food that will taste good enough so you will like it better than fast food. Periodically, I will break out in raving attacks of paranoia about how big business is trying to make us pay too much for everything including the oxygen we breathe. Since most Americans probably share that suspicion, I don't expect this to bother you too much. Assume. I spent 20 years on active duty in the military. When someone you are working with 'assumes' something, it normally makes an ass out of U and me. Assumptions are dangerous. But you have to make them. This book assumes that you have facilities for cooking, freezing and refrigerating foods before and after cooking. Many of the projects are designed to let you cook for 30 minutes one day, and fix 20 or so meals in 5 or ten minutes with what you prepared. That takes something to store the prepared food in. This is not really intended for the college student in a dorm cooking on a hot plate with only one burner, and nothing else. This assumes that you have a kitchen, and are prepared to equip it with fairly decent tools so you can do a good job. Tools. The same rules apply to buying tools for the kitchen as apply to buying tools for the home workshop. Quality is worth the price. Cheap second rate tools make for spoiled projects, unnecessary work, and lots of headaches. Each project in this book will list the tools and materials needed to complete it successfully. You should check the project requirements before beginning the project. If you do not have the tools required, you should check other projects, or be prepared to buy them. Good kitchen tools normally run between ten and twenty dollars apiece for manually operated tools like pots and pans and from 20 dollars to several thousand dollars for sophisticated power tools, like bread machines, food processors, etc. Some tools can be bought second hand at goodwill, or other thrift stores, and still be of good quality, others should be bought new. Acquiring the tools for each project will be discussed in the first project that requires that tool.


Top

Project 1: Yer Basik Batchiler Salad

Salad is a word derived from the latin word for salt. In roman days, salad was eaten with salt as a dressing. They also ate a really weird fish sauce on everything the way we use ketchup. Thank God, you are not a roman. Today we have all sorts of neat things to do with salad materials that do not include fish sauce.

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Take your plate and pile it with cole slaw mix. Sprinkle liberally with grated cheese. Add dressing. Wash the tomato and slice it into eighths. Arrange in a circle around the edge of the plate.

Grab your plate, sit down in front of the tv, eat and enjoy. You would probably pay 2 to 5 dollars for a salad like this in a restaurant.

Making it fancy. Future projects in this book will teach you to cook and freeze meal size portions of various things like ham, ground beef, etc. One meal sized portion (approximately 4 ounces) thawed in the refrigerator will, if chopped up, using the knife and cutting board, and sprinkled on the salad with the cheese, turn your basic salad into a sort of chefs salad. This makes it a complete meal, tasty spicy, and better for you than fast food. You must plan ahead to do this, since it takes time for frozen meats to thaw in the refrigerator. You can also add bacon bits, pickled peanuts, boiled eggs, and other items to the salad to spice it up.


Top

Project 2: Yer Basic Sghetti

Spaghetti is one of the basic meals. Anyone can make spaghetti, and do it well. With the various canned and bottled spaghetti sauces available today, it is easier than ever. I always make more spaghetti than I need for one meal. Spaghetti is great as a leftover.

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Lotsa Water. Every cookin' book I read says to cook pasta in lots of water. You will be usin' yer big frypan ta cook the sghetti, so you will have plenty.

Put your medium pot on the stove, add about a cup of spaghetti sauce, and a similar amount of water, less water if cookin large quantities, you need enough water to cook it for about half an hour or so. Batchilers don't measure, they guestimate. Turn on the stove and bring to a boil, while it is starting up, cut about two to four inches of that sausage into slices around an eighth to a quarter inch thick, and toss it into the sause. Turn down heat and let it simmer. Go watch tv fer a while and check it durin commercials. Stir it when you check it. Taste test it. If it don't have no zip, season to taste with yer hot sauce. For rilly cheep pasta sauce you may need other seasonins. When it is back to about the thickness it was before adding water, fill yer big frypan up with water. Bring it to a boil. Toss in yer sghetti and bring down to a simmer, which you guestimated to be about how much you want to eat. Experience will tell you how much that is. (You know how big yer appetite is not me.) Leftover spaghetti is great stuff, so go ahead and be generous. (one or maybe two of the 3 liter pop bottles mouth full is about right.) Now, stir the spaghetti, and wait till it's fairly flexible, cook to al dente, checkin frequently once the pasta gets flexible. When the spaghetti is done, pour into the colander over the sink. Drain well, and quickly toss it into the pot with the sghetti sauce. Stir it up well, sprinkle with grated cheese or parmesan, dish it up on yer optional plate, or eat it out of the pot, the batchiler way.


TopYer Leftover Sghetti.

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Put yer leftover sghetti in yer frypan, you can use any size frypan for this, but it works best if you use one that fits the leftovers you are cookin, I tend to use the small frypan that comes in a cookin set for preparing leftovers for one person. Follow directions under yer big frypan for choosin one of these. Add a little water in the bottom, just enough to wet it, not even enough to completely cover the bottom of the pan. Heat the sghetti with the water, stirrin with the spatula. Use prepared mustard to season to taste, in accordance with The Mad Scientist Theory of ReCookin. When sghetti is steaming hot, and water is absorbed into sghetti and sauce, it's ready. Top with some grated cheese ifn you want.


TopYer Batchiler Sghetti Dog

The Sghetti dog is one of the finest culinary delights known to man. It ranks with real british fish an chips, as a true eatin masterpiece. It's just about worth it to make sghetti so's you can make sghetti dogs. If yer cooking fer a mob, that might be the way to go. But cooking fer yerself, it's a good idea to vary the sghetti by eatin it diffrint on diffrint days.

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Put some water in the frypan, bring it to a boil, add yer hot dogs, one or two, it takes a big man to eat more than two sghetti dogs. Boil until dogs is cooked, they swell up, and should be heated through, hotdogs are precooked completely in most cases, so you are really just heatin them up. Pour off most of the water. Add leftover sghetti, season to taste with yer prepared mustard. Heat until water is absorbed and sghetti is steamin hot. Optional(Toast yer hot dog buns in yer toaster oven). Put hot dog in bun, add mustard and grated cheese top with leftover sghetti. Top with more grated cheese if you want. Eat. This is real good.

You can prepare your hot dog any way you want for this recipe. The above method is simple, since you use the same frypan to cook the hotdogs in that you use to prepare the sghetti. You can use the toaster oven, you can use a hot air oven, you can grill em, whatever you like. You can use the above method, and leave the hotdogs in the frypan while cookin the sghetti. No big deal.


TopProject 3: Yer Baked Potato

Tools

Materials TopDirections

This ain't about hard recipes. Only about eatin whin you need to. Otherwise, I would feel silly even includin this, it's so easy.

Wash the spud. Prick the skin to let steam escape if you want. I don't genrally bother. Optionally, coat spud with cookin oil or butter (This is really for cookin spuds in ovens and coals to keep the skin moist and soft), put spud into microwave on paper plate, run microwave for time and power settin that the instruction book for your model says to do for a potato. Stick the knife or fork through the tater, ifn it goes through, its done, if not, or it puts up a fight, run it a minnit or two longer. When done, open her up with your knife and top with grated cheese, ranch style dressing, butter, pepper, bacon bits, etc, as you desire, and eat.

No big deal. A nuked tater will look a bit diffrint from a baked baked tater, as steam and stuff will form inside and mush up the insides sometimes, it's still just as good to eat.

Here are some alternate ways of cookin em.

Believe it or not method. Wrap tater in foil, put it on burner on stove, turn on burner and bake in the foil. This method was used in the fifties and sixties and probably only works on gas stoves.

Coffeecan method. Put tater in coffee can, close can with somethin to keep the heat in. Aluminum foil will work. Put coffee can on stove and use it as an improvised oven to bake the tater. This will probably work in a dorm room on a one burner electric, but I would try to raise the tater off the bottom of the can somehow to keep it from burnin.

Put tater in oven, wrap in aluminum foil or not. Bake at 450 degrees for 40 or 50 minnits. Aluminum foil is optional, buttering or oiling skin before bakin is optional.

Put tater in hot air oven, you know, American Harvest, or Gallopin Gourmet, and follow directions in the recipe book that come with it.

Wrap tater in foil, and toss into coals of a fire.

Check doneness the same way, when yer knife er fork goes thru, its done. The believe it or not method, and the coffeecan method come out of hints and tips books for housewives published back in the fifties and sixties. I ain't tried em myself. But I thought I'd include em. If yer desperate enough to try em. Good Luck and I ain't responsible.


TopYer French Fries

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Clean the potato. Peel it if you want to, I never do, a lot of the nourishment in the tater is in the skin. Cut it in half, quarters and then eighths lengthwise. Note, the thinner the fry, the faster it will cook through. The faster it cooks thru, the hotter the oil can be you cook it in. The hotter the oil, the crispier the fries. Dry the pieces if you want. Then fry them using the diffrint method below that is suitable to your equipment.

Fancy Fryer method. Follow the directions that come with it. Note, mine says to cook the fries 12 minutes at 374 degrees, they are done in half that time when cookin one potato. So be prepared to adjust your cooking with experience.

Caution Method 2. Put two or three inches of cookin oil in the pot or pan you are usin. Heat the oil on next to high. High is bad for the nonstick surface. Using the deep fat thermometer measure the temperature. When the oil reaches 380 degrees or so, fry the potatoes until browned. Remove potatoes with your metal strainer. If frying lots of fries, you may need to stop between batches to let the oil heat back up. You may be usin a colander as a strainer, or a second hand fryin basket to fry in to.

If you don't have a deep fat thermometer, heat oil until a fry sizzles energetically when added to the oil. If it don't sizzle when dropped in, you will get greasy oily fries. Fry in small batches as long as the oil remains hot enough to maintain the sizzle. When it stops, stop frying an let it heat back up.

Usin a basket, with the fries in it, you can pull them out, and let the oil heat up again to complete the cookin.

When fries are done, drain thoroughly, or even pat down to remove excess oil, sprinkle with salt, and malted vinegar or ketsup. Eat.


TopYer Crispy Fries

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Clean the potato. Peel it if you want to, I never do, a lot of the nourishment in the tater is in the skin. Grate the potato on your grater shredder. The hotter the oil, the crispier the fries. Then fry them using the diffrint method below that is suitable to your equipment. The grated potato will be clumped together due to moisture between the pieces. As the potatoes hit the hot cookin oil, the moisture will turn to steam and separate the pieces pretty good. Add the potatoes to the cookin oil in small batches.

Fancy Fryer method. 374 degrees, is just about right for these, much hotter and they cook too fast for you to keep up.

Caution Method 2. Put two or three inches of cookin oil in the pot or pan you are usin. Heat the oil on next to high. High is bad for the nonstick surface. Using the deep fat thermometer measure the temperature. When the oil reaches 370 degrees or so, fry the potatoes until browned. Remove potatoes with your metal strainer. If frying lots of fries, you may need to stop between batches to let the oil heat back up. You may be usin a colander as a strainer, or a second hand fryin basket to fry in to.

If you don't have a deep fat thermometer, heat oil until a fry sizzles energetically when added to the oil. If it don't sizzle when dropped in, you will get greasy oily fries. Fry in small batches as long as the oil remains hot enough to maintain the sizzle. When it stops, stop frying an let it heat back up.

Usin a basket, with the fries in it, you can pull them out, and let the oil heat up again to complete the cookin.

When fries are done, drain thoroughly, or even pat down to remove excess oil, sprinkle with salt, and malted vinegar or ketsup. Eat. This is really good with malted vinegar and salt, good to eat, I ainta claimin its good fer you.


TopRilly Rilly Basic Hamburger

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Thaw yer hamburger ifn its frozen in the microwave or the refrigerator. Put yer hamburger in yer frypan, choose the frypan a bit large for the amount of hamburger. Break it up into small bits, add yer hamburger seasonins (optional). Brown the hamburger, this process means to stir it over the heat until it is all browned and most of the water is evaporated out, it will still appear damp because of the melted fat. But the steam will be gone and the meat will be brown. Use your strainer or your colander to drain the grease from the hamburger into your grease disposal unit. Use the 1/3 cup measuring cup to measure out individual servin portions. 1/3 cup cooked hamburger is almost exactly equal to 4 ounces or 1/4 pound of uncooked hamburger. Place each portion in a square of your plastic wrap and fold the wrap into little squares. Freeze the squares for future meals. Each one of these small puny lookin squares will make either 3 to 4 tacos, or 2 batchiler joes for future meals.


TopProject 5a:Batchiler Joes

Tools

Materials TopDirections

Put yer packet of rilly rilly basic hamburger in yer frypan. Add water, add seasonin of yer choice Barbecue Sauce=Barbie Joe, Spaghettie Sauce = Politically Incorrect Woppy Joe, Sloppy Joe Sauce = Sloppy Joe (DUH), a quarter cup or so, batchilers don' measure, add other seasonins to taste, such as hot sauce, salt, etc.

Bring water to boil, bring down to simmer. Watch some tv, check during commercials. When sauce is as thick as you want it, it is done. Toast your buns in the toaster oven, put hamburger on bun, top with grated cheese (Optional).

You might make a small batchiler salad as a side dish. Or French Fries. Or even both. Or maybe a baked potato instead of the french fries.


TopYer Batchiler Tacos

Tools

  • Yer small frypan or a bigger one if cooking for more than one person.
  • Yer spatula
  • Yer Cuttin Board
  • Yer Knife
  • Yer plate
  • Yer Plastic Wrap (mebbe)
  • Yer Hot Sauce (optional)

  • Materials

    TopDirections

    Put yer rilly rilly basic hamburger in the frypan, add water to cover, add yer Taco seasonin, as much as you need for the servins you are makin. Bring water to a boil and turn down to simmer. Season to taste with hot sauce.

    Cut yer tomato in half, and cut one half into little pieces, usin yer knife on yer cuttin board. This is called dicing yer tomato. Wrap remainin half in yer Plastic Wrap and refrigerate.

    When the water is mostly gone from the hamburger, it is done. Fill yer Taco shells, any which way you want, this is how I do it. Meat on the bottom, then grated cheese then cole slaw mix, then dicedtomatoes, then I top it with salad dressin, instead of the traditional sour cream, cause sour cream is likely to spoil fore you use it all. Divide the meat evenly between the shells, and then fill them up with the other ingredients. These are real good eatin.


    TopProject 5c: Yer Batchiler Creamed Beef

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Put yer rilly rilly basic hamburger in yer frypan, cover with water, add about 1/4 of the can of concentrated mushroom soup, stir, and bring to a boil. Then turn it down to simmer. Use black pepper to season to taste. When sauce is as thick as you want, it is done.

    Or, make a batch of Project 20: Yer Basic Gravy usin butter, flour, salt and pepper and water, and add yer rilly rilly basic hamburger and cook till warmed through.

    First use: Toast yer bun in yer toaster oven, put creamed beef on bun. Eat.

    Second use: Take yer baked potato, split it open, mash up the insides with yer fork (ifn its baked right a plastic fork will do) top it with yer creamed beef for a 'Beefed Up Tater'. Eat.

    Oh, yeah, put plastic wrap over the can and refrigerate the rest of the soup.


    TopProject 6: Picante Beanie Weenies

    I recall reading or hearing somewhere that Olive Oyl once said of Popeye that his favorite dish, (aside from spinach) was beanie weenies. What higher recommendation could a batchiler have. I tried lots of different stuff in makin my beanie weenies, barbecue sauce, pasta sauce, seasonin from scratch, and picante sauce. While they were all generally pretty good, I eventually stopped makin any of them but the Picante Beanie Weenies. Cause they were the best. So this is pretty good eatin.

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Slice your hotdogs into slices around 1/8th to 1/4 inch thick. Put yer beans in yer frypan, yer medium fry pan is about the right size for this, around 10 or 12 inches in diameter, add half a can of water, add yer sliced hot dogs, add picante sauce to taste, add sugar to taste. Just enough sugar to round out the flavor, it shouldn't be too sweet. Stir and bring to a boil. Bring down to simmer. Watch some tv, check it durin commercials. When it is good and thick, eat it from yer frypan with yer tortilla chips. Heathens might dish it up an eat it with flatware. T'aint right, but its done.


    TopProject 7: Yer Brekfist Bun

    Ta make a good brekfist bun, you need to know how to fry or scramble an egg, and how to fry up some brekfist bakon er sausidge. They's lotsa diffrint ways a doin that. Mosta them are right, since folks as growed up eatin thet way thinks they is right. If yer cooking fer yerself, then its what you like, and ifn yer cooking for friends, ya need ta find out what they are useta. I will present the basics and talk about the hard spots in this here project, so's you can figger what you want to do. Tain't that hard, but it's controversial.

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    First hard spot. How hot should yer frypan be? This is hard, cus it should be purty hot to cook that bacon and not so hot to cook them eggs. On a 'lectric range like I got, 8 or 9 is about right to sizzle up some bacon, but eggs cook too fast an hard around the edges at that temperature. Mind now, some folks like their fried eggs burnt around the edges. A setting of about 5 on my range is about the best settin I found for cookin eggs. A settin of 5 will also cook yer bacon fer ya, itll take a little longer, but it comes out fine.

    If you start the cookin at 8 or 9, then set it back to five fer yer eggs, that first egg is gonna cook right fast, so be ready.

    My choice, is to cook it all at around 5.

    So, put yer bacon in yer frypan, and fry it till its browned the way you like it. I like my bacon fried purty thorough, all the fat turned crunchy an brown, but there's some as likes theirs just warmed through. It's what you like.

    Take the bacon out of the pan, and place on paper napkins er towels to drain.

    Pour off the excess grease into yer grease disposal unit ifn you want. Cuts down on the fat, but lots like to fry their eggs up in the fat from the bacon.

    Yer Fried Egg. Crack yer egg into yer frypan with what little fat you got there. Fry it the way you like it. Over or sunny side up, easy or hard. Over means that you flipped it durin cookin to cook on both sides. Sunny side up means it warn't flipped. Easy means the yolk and sometimes some white is runny, hard means it ain't. Now, you flip it when the whole egg, seems pretty white through and the only part ain't cooked is the top. I like mine over easy, but it's what you like. Yer doin the eatin. If yer cookin with lotsa fat, yer can take yer spatula and spoon hot grease over the egg to cook the top without flippin the egg.

    Yer Pan Scrambled Egg. There's a big controversy on how a scrambled egg should be scrambled. There's two main sides here an the point o' contention is whether you scramble the egg in the pan, or scramble it in yer stirrin bowl before puttin it in the pan. I seen tempers flare over this one folks. Fer yer pan scrambled egg, yer break the egg into the pan, just like for a fried egg, and you use yer spatula to stir it up kinda scramblin it in the pan. You git somethin kinda halfway between a fried egg and a non-pan scrambled egg. I've had cooks in the army serve that up to me, an tell me that was the ONLY right way to scramble an egg. It occurs as an alternative method of scrambling an egg in about half the cook books I own. Again, you can cook it hard or easy. It's how you like it.

    Yer Bowl Scrambled egg. Here, you break the egg into a bowl and stir it up with yer fork or stirrer. Some folks add a cap or two or a tablespoon or so of milk for each egg they are scramblin. Some folks add seasonins to the eggs before cookin. It's what you like folks. However you do it, even if it's an accident, someone somewhere will say that's the 'One Right Way' of scramblin yer eggs. You can cook these in a kinda cake, waitin till their about done an flippin them over, or you can stir them up as they is acookin. Whatever you like. You can cook them easy or hard. It's worth notin, that if you stirred a lot of eggs up together, and want one egg at a time, one egg is equal to about 1/4 cup liquid measure.

    Well, that's the great scrambled egg controversy. I hope I handled it diplomatically, I hate havin to deal with these here religious arguments. People git so upset about em.

    Once you got your eggs an bacon cooked, put the eggs on your hot dog bun, close the bun, eggs an all, around your bacon, an eat. Toast the bun first in yer toaster oven ifn you want. Add a dollop of your picante sauce to it to make it into a 'Huevos Rancheros Dog'. It's purty good.


    TopYer Ain't Been Boiled Egg

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Yer ain't sposed to boil dem dere eggs. Eggs cook best on low heat, an boilin water is just too blamed hot. Or that's what all the cook books say. This is purty convenient fer a batchiler what don't want to worry about precise timin of stuff, cuz it means you can put yer eggs in yer pot and cover with an inch or so of water, an cook it an leave it cook while you watch TV. Also, without all that boilin going on, them eggs aint as likely to crack.

    To cook fancy eggs in hot water, you need to know what you like. Fer soft cooked eggs, 2 to 4 minnits is sposed to be right. Fer hard cooked eggs, 15 to 20 minnits is sposed to be right, but it works good ifn you leave em in fer half an hour. Cus, whatever the cook books say, most of us is used to over cooked eggs.

    So, put yer eggs in yer pot, cover with about an inch of water, add some salt. Salt will chemically harden the egg exposed to it by cracks in the shell, preventing the egg from bleeding into the water. Bring the water up to a simmer. Watch tv for half an hour or so.

    Pour the hot water out of the pot, fill with cold water. Crack the egg shells by thumpin them lightly with yer finger er yer spoon er sumthin until the entire shell is covered with a spiderwed of cracks, place eggs in cold water. Watch tv fer another half hour or so. The cracks will allow the egg to peel easily, and coolin the eggs in water allows the water to seep in between the egg an the shell, makin peelin a sight easier. There is normally a sort of air bubble under the shell at the big end of the egg, so this is a good place to start peelin.

    Onct the egg is peeled, you can eat it innyway you want. My favorite way is to cut it in half, mash the yolks up with some mustard an horsradish sauce, an stuff the yolks back into the egg. This don't take long, and it is purty good. Fer sum reason, cook books call this a stuffed egg.


    TopYer Banana Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Cut yer banana in halfways lengthways. Toast yer hot dog buns in yer toaster oven (optional) spread with Peanut butter on one side, put half of banana in each of the buns flat side down, and spread with jam or jelly on the other side. Eat.

    Yer banana and peanut butter sandwich is one of the classic sandwiches, but lotsa folks don't include simple sandwich recipes in their cooking books, so's lessn you know folks as eat em, you might never have tried it. Because of the shape of the banana, it lends itself well to the hot dog bun.


    TopYer Cheddar Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Put yer grated cheddar cheese in yer stirrin bowl, top with thousand island dressin, stir with fork. Stuff yer hot dog buns with mixture, eat, or pack for lunch. One ounce or a quarter cup grated cheese with dressin just about fills a hot dog bun.

    You can use mayonnaise or miracle whip style salad dressin, but ranch gives cheddar a sour taste. You need to match yer dressin in this type sanwich to yer cheese. Thousand Islands and cheddar just taste rilly good in combination.


    TopYer Egg Salad Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Grate or shred the eggs into your stirrin bowl. Top with a teaspoon or so of mayonnaise stir. Season to taste with Mustard and Horseradish sauce.

    One grade A large egg grated will overfill one of the hot dog buns I tested this recipe with. 2 will fill three of the buns. So proportions depend of the relative sizes of your eggs and buns. Mayonaise is an egg based sauce, and goes well with egg salad and egg sandwiches, but it needs something to spice it up. I recommend the cajun hot sauce method under yer Miracle Whip Style mayonnaise. That recipe makes about the perfect quantity of sauce fer 2 grade a large eggs. Eggs these days are always contaminated with salmonella bacteria. If you let these sandwiches stand at room temperature for a long time, the bacteria will multiply and cause problems. So, if keeping these sandwiches to eat a while later, keep em cold.


    TopYer Bean Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Bean sandwiches are not the most popular item in America. The Bean Burrito is about the only one that has achieved widespread commercial and popular success. Cookbooks, however, have a fairly large selection of recipes for sandwiches using beans as a main ingredient. This one works good.

    Recook Yer Picante Beanie Weenies in Yer Frypan, by addin a little water and seasonin to taste with mustard, stirrin till the beans is thick again. Toast yer hot dog buns in yer toaster oven, fill with beans and top with grated cheese, pop back in toaster oven till cheese is melted. Eat.

    Or, stick your leftover Beanie Weenies in yer hot dog buns an nuke it in the microwave for one or two minutes.


    TopYer Meatball Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Put yer Precooked Meatballs an yer pasta sauce in yer Pot or Yer Frypan, add water to about cover yer meatballs, season to taste with Yer Seasonins. Bring to a boil, turn back down to simmer. Watch some tv, check it during commercials. Whin yer sauce is real thick, toast yer Hot Dog Buns in yer Toaster Oven. Fill with meatballs an sauce. Eat.

    This is a real good imitation of the Meat Ball Sub Sandwiches you can buy at fast food places. You should be able to make it better by spicin it up the way you want with hot sauce or other seasonin to taste.


    TopYer Pizza Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Toast yer Hot Dog Buns in yer Toaster oven. Put some water in yer frypan or yer medium pot an boil yer hot dogs. Check yer hot dog buns, pull them out when toasted the way you like em. When the hot dogs are heated through, put them in the buns. Put a little mustard on the sides of the dogs, top with grated cheese and sauce, toast in your toaster oven till cheese melts. Close up the pizza dogs and eat.

    I like usin chili sauce for this. Other sauces can be used though. If you don't have any hotdogs, you can just use the cheese and sauce and have pizza in a bun. This is real good. You can cook the hot dogs any way you want. Microwave, etc. Boilin them on the stove is pretty basic and don't take no fancy equipment.


    Top Project 15: Yer Hunky Tuna Salad

    Tools

    Materials TOP Directions

    Open yer canned tuna, drain it as dry as you can get it. I normally push the can top down on it over the sink to get rid of excess moisture. Put tuna in yer stirrin bowl. Add yer cheese, if usin a hunk of cheese, cube it, and add it in, cut yer pickles into thick slices, and add them, add yer salad olives, cover with yer Mayonnaise or Yer Miracle whip (preferred), enough to thoroughly mix in, and stir it up.

    The thing that sets this hyere tuna salad apart, is it has almost equal parts cheese, and pickles to tuna, and they are there in hunks, not small pieces, so they maintain their flavor and add texture and flavor hunks to it when you chew it up. This tuna salad is good the first day, but it gets better when you let it sit in the refrigerator overnight. Since there is enough here to fill up five or six hot dog buns, this is good, since you will probably have leftovers.

    You can eat it in a hot dog bun, or straight out of the stirrin bowl, or however. It is purty good the first day an real good the second an third. It goes bad in about a week, so eat it pretty quick.


    TopProject 16: Yer Jalapeno Cheese Dog

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Use yer grater to grate about 2 ounces, (about 1/4 an 8 ounce hunk) from yer jalapeno cheese. Add enough of yer Mayonnaise or yer Miracle Whip style (recommended) dressin. Stir till well mixed, fill yer Hot Dog Bun, an eat, or pack for lunch.


    Top Project 17: Yer Basic Pancake

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    Materials TopDirections

    Yer pancake is purty easy to do. First you make yer pancake mix in accordin with the directions on the box. As a batchiler, you will probably do the smallest quantity shown. I do half the smallest quantity on my current box. The smallest quanity they show uses 2 eggs, 1 cup milk and 2 cups mix. I do 1 egg, 1/2 cup milk and 1 cup mix. This makes a purty hearty brekfist.

    When you get the mix mixed, you need to cook it. There is three main stickin points here. How much should you put into the frypan at a time, how hot should the frypan be, an how do you know when to flip it.

    Point 1. 1 tablespoon of pancake batter will make yer fancy silver dollar pancake. This is good as a side for a big brekfist of eggs and bacon and pancakes. 2 tablespoons of pancake batter is what I use, cause my gravy ladle is two tablespoons big, and I like the size pancake that makes. 3 tablespoons is equal to 1/4 quarter cup of batter and is what the box calls for. Usin the same amount of batter each time will make a uniform size an a nice lookin stack o' pancakes whin you is done.

    Point 2. How hot should yer frypan be? About a 5 or a 6 on my electric oven is good. This is the relatively low heat used to cook an egg, which is convenient since you is probably makin brekfist. If it is to much hotter than this, the pancake will cook on the bottom too fast, an it will be dark brown or burnt fore you know to turn thet cake.

    Point 3. Whin do you turn thet cake. Whin the batter has started to bubble through, turn thet cake. This happens when the water in the batter turns to steam and bubbles up. If yer frypan is the right temperature, yer pancake will be a nice light or golden brown when the water turns to steam.

    When it turns to steam and you got a good even set of bubbles, flip yer cake. Let it set fer a minnit or so, an its done.

    Repeat till you run out of batter. Add butter an syrup as you like it an eat.

    Fancyin it up. Just about anything can be added to pancake batter to fancy it up an most of it works pretty good without measurin or nothing. Cocoa for chocolate pancaked. Chocolate chips for chocolate chip pancakes. Fruit, I like flakec coconut. Bacon bits, an garlic an onion if you are going to top yer pancakes with chili or somethin. It'aint hard.


    Top Project 18: Yer Basic Chicken

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    Materials TopDirections

    Take yer measurin cups and put about 1/4 cup milk and one tablespoon Ranch Style dressin (optional) in a plastic sandwich bag. Shake it good. Add yer chicken pieces. Squeeze out the air and put in refrigerator. Turn on yer oven to preheat to 325 degrees. Go watch sum TV. Turn the bag durin commercials. After about twenty minnits or half an hour, mix 1/4 cup biscuit mix with 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper in a sandwich bag. Take yer chicken pieces, shake off the milk mixture, and shake in the bag of dry mix till coated. Shake off excess and place on cookie sheet. Place cookie sheet in oven which was preheating while the chicken was marinating. Go watch sum TV. Turn the chicken pieces durin commercials. After fifty minnits to an hour an 20 minnits or so, take chicken out an eat it.

    There is lotsa room for variations on this here recipe. This is easy, cus you don't have to spend much time in the citchin. Usin a deep fat fryer instead of an oven will work with the same recipe, follow the directions for chicken with yer fryer. To pan fry, get yer oil to about 375 degrees, and cook the chicken for half an hour or so, turnin frequently. The easiest way, not the quickest, but the easiest is to oven fry it as described above. If yer oven is too hot, the crust will burn before the flesh is cooked tender to the bone. Cookin it longer instead of hotter adds to the time, but not the work, and makes it easer to get the flesh and crust both right. Turnin the chickin durin commercials helps keep the juices from formin pools beneath the chicken.

    You can add any or all of the following to the biscuit mix or or use flour instead. Monosodium Glutamate, paprika, red pepper, taco seasonin, chili pepper, onion or garlic salt or powder, parmesan cheese, you get the idea. 1/2 teaspoon to 1/4 cup flour or biscuit mix is a good proportion, but you can vary it to taste. If the crust cooks hard, or black, the chicken meat will still probably be good, but you won't be able to taste the seasonin in the crust.


    TopProject 19: Yer Batchiler Meatloaf

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    Materials TopDirections

    Compared to makin meatloaf, cookin chicken is brain surgery. This is real easy. Start yer oven preheatin to 350 degrees. Take yer potato, clean it and shred or grate it on yer shredder grater, into yer stirrin bowl, add yer picante sauce, add yer hamburger, stir it all up together pretty thorough. (Use yer hands, don't be scared.) Grab handfuls an put it on yer cookie sheet an shape it all together till it kinda looks like a loaf. Put it in yer preheated oven. In an hour to an hour an a half, (check it around an hour an 10 minnits or so), itl' be done. Slice it an eat it. I eat about half a loaf right off. It's real good. It makes a fair sandwich with mustard and pickles, but I like to reheat it and eat it better. Amounts don't have to be perfect, just purty close. Potatoes ain't that standard innyway.


    Top Project 20: Yer Basic Gravy

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    Materials TopDirections

    I always thought that makin gravy was one of those secrets of the universe reserved for Grandmothers and other persons of almost infinite ability and dignity. Maybe I'm gettin old or somethin, but it turns out to be purty easy. Yer basic gravy consists of cookin fat, flour and a water based liquid mixed in proportion. Put yer fat in yer small frypan, at about a 6 or 7 on an electric stove, let it warm up a bit but not too hot, add an equal amount of yer flour, stir vigorously until yer flour an yer fat is all mixed good, brown the flour if you want, but don't blacken it. Take the pan away from the heat, add yer liquid 7 or 8 times as much liquid as fat. Cook an stir till its as thick as you want, may want to turn down the burner a bit or not. This takes just a little longer to make than it does to toast bread to put it on in the mornin. Good proportions for a batchiler feedin himself is one tablespoon fat, one tablespoon flour an 2/3 cup liquid. You can do all kindsa diffrint gravies and sauces an stuff with this one technique, an it's easy. Here are some good ones.

    1 Tablespoon butter, 1 tablespoon flour, 2/3 cup fish, chicken, or beef stock. This makes what them french chef fellas call veloute sauce and it is one of the basic sauces in fancy french style cookin. It can be made with water and a bit of salt and pepper as well. If you make this with some chicken or beef bouillion it's easy an quick, and goes real good on a toasted hot dog bun or a biscuit for brekfist in the mornin. If you make this with vegetable oil instead of butter and almost no seasonin instead of stock or bouillion, this tastes about like the gravy you get with biscuits an gravy at a burger place in the mornin.

    1 Tablespoon pan drippins, 1 tablespoon flour, 2/3 cup water, cook it in the fry pan you cooked yer meat in an scrape the pan good while stirrin it to get the flavor. This is yer basic pan gravy, and the backbone gravy of yer all american food. As it happens, one slice of bacon will give you about 1 tablespoon of fat, (close enough for the recipe to work anyway) so add a tablespoon of flour, 2/3 cup water sum salt an pepper, and toast a couple of hot dog buns. Tastes good. Just about an entire brekfist from one slice of bacon. (try usin sum stale beer instead of water fer the fun of it). Yer french chef fellers makes their pan gravy a bit diffrint. Instead a cookin it in the pan, they adds some liquid to the pan and scrapes an stirs with their spatula, to get the liquid fer makin the gravy. They calls this process deglazin thet thar pan. They then makes the gravy in a special frypan er pot fer makin gravy in.

    1 Tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, 1 tablespoon flour, 2/3 cup fruit juice. This makes a real good fruit gravy or sauce for desserts, or stuff. First time I made this, I just let it get purty thick an ate it with a spoon. It's purty good. It's real good made with tart apple juice. Try makin this with apple juice or cranapple juice an pourin it over yer pumpkin pie. Tastes Good. Looks real purty ifn you use cranapple juice.

    As you can see, you can do all kindsa neat stuff with this here basic gravy. This is really worth knowin how to do.


    TopProject 21: Yer Batchiler Mashed Potatoes

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    Materials TopDirections

    Dig thru yer taters and find an ugly one, medium ta large, thet you don't want to fry or bake. Skin it with yer knife and cut out the rough spots. Slice it into slices about 1/2 to 1/4 inch thick. (Hint: stuff cooks from the outside in. It'll take a whole tater about twict as long to cook as one thats sliced.) Put it in yer medium pot, cover with water. Bring water to a boil and turn down to a low boil or simmer. Go watch sum tv. In about a half an hour or so, the tater should break apart easy with a fork. Drain the water into yer mixin bowl so its warm, an then pour it out. Put in your drained tater and mix 1 tbsp ranch style dressin with sum of yer cookin water an add that to the drained tater stir in til you get the thickness you want. Mash thoroughly with yer potato masher. Then whip with your hand held mixer ifn you want. It's optional. Top with butter or Yer basic Gravy, an eat. This is real good.


    Top Project 22: Yer Basic Rice

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    Materials TopDirections

    Rice is probably the easiest basic food to make. Mix rice and water over heat, and you got food. The proportions is 1 part rice to 2 parts water. This makes rice about equal to the measures of water and rice added together. 1 cup rice + 2 cups water = 3 cups cooked rice. Purty easy. You can bring the water to a boil and then add the rice, or you can mix it all together an then bring the water to a boil. My purfessional chefs cook books say mix it all tagether first. Some books offer both ways. An sum says never to adds the rice till thet waters bilin. It's easier to mix it all tagether at the start, so thet's the batchiler way acookin it. After the water reaches a boil, turn it down to a low boil or simmer and go watch sum tv. Check it durin commercials. Stir it onct in a while with yer spatula to make sure its not stickin. When most of the water is gone, or when yer rice is cooked through, i.e. you bite it and its firm, but not crunchy, its cooked. You can remove it from the heat. It will absorb inny water that's left in the pot. Top with butter, yer basic gravy, soy sauce, or whutever an eat. You can use rice for lots of things, or eat it cold for brekfist, so ifn you want, make a good amount and keep it in the fridge till needed. Itl keep cooked fer a few days to a week. Keep yer rice in the same kinda container yer use fer yer dried pasta an spaghetti ifn it came in a plastic bag.

    Whin makin yer instant rice or special varieties of rice, follow directions on package. I find that mostly, they call for cookin it a little too long, an itl be done a bit before the instructions say. Mostly yer recipes call fer coverin it while it cooks. Honestly I don't genrally find that necessary. You can also add a bit of salt or butter ifn you want. Strictly Optional.


    TopProject 23: Yer Batchiler Fried Rice

    Tools

    Materials TopDirections

    Cook yer bacon till crisp on a fairly high heat, say an 8 or so on an electric range set bacon aside. Or add one tablespoon of yer cookin oil. Toss in two cups cooked rice. Fry stirrin purty constantly till yer rice is warmed through an yer oil is pretty much gone. Add yer seasonins, that is two tablespoons soy sauce an two teaspoons cajon hot sauce mixed together. Stir with rice till rice is purty thoroughly covered in the sauce. Crumple up yer bacon an add it to the rice stir it till thoroughly mixed. Eat.

    Most a yer recipes calls fer one tablespoon cookin fat or oil per cup a rice. That's way too much. 1 tablespoon does two cups purty good.

    Ifn you want to add an egg to yer fried rice, do up the rice as above, then remove from the pan. Fry or scramble the egg till purty hard and break it up. Add rice and cook with the egg stirrin till fairly well mixed fer a minnit er two.

    Fried rice is real good with leftovers. This is really great with leftover Batchiler Meatloaf chopped an added like you added the crumbled bacon above. A course you can add any leftover meat you want.


    TopProject 24: Yer CarboFruit Salad

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    Materials TopDirections

    Use yer Canopener to open yer canned fruit. Drain the juice into yer measurin cup. You should get around 2/3 cup a fruit juice. Put around 2 cups a precooked rice on yer plate, top with yer canned fruit. Usin olive oil or butter 1 tablespoon make your basic gravy with the fruit juice an 1 tablespoon flour er biscuit mix. While still purty thin, so it can flavor the rice, pour it over the fruit an rice. This is a purty good way of makin a meal out of a can of fruit, or fruit salad an some leftover rice. But watch out, this is a purty high energy meal. You might find yerself liftin weights or goin fer a hike just to use up the fuel.


    Top Project 25: Yer Basic Soup

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      TopDirections

    Soup is one of those things that evryone makes out of a can.  Evryone knows that you need fancy stock, and hours a simmerin an cuttin an stuff to make homemade soup.  Nah, t'aint so.  The truth is that you can make a dern good soup purty easy.  Soup is easy, soup is fun, soup tastes good.  Take an fry yer slice a bacon in yer pot, dice yer onion, add it to the bacon grease and fry it after the bacon is crisp.  Clean yer potato an cut it in fairly large hunks, add it to the fried onion.  Add water til yer pot is an inch er so from the top.  Simmer till potatoes is tender.  Season to taste with salt an pepper.  Eat.

    You should really eat this with good dunkin bread, but if ya don't have it, the soup will still taste good.  After you find out makin soup is easy you can add just about anything an season it up to taste fer a good hot meal.  Canned sauerkraut goes real good, or a can a mixed vegetables, er greens, er leftover meat.  You get the idea.



    TopProject 26: Yer Braised Pork Dinner

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    Materials TopDirections
    Now this hyere recipe makes a healthy meal fer two er three people.  But it's easy an cheap, an less trouble to make a whole meal braisin the pork than just to cook the pork by itself.  If you have leftovers, you can just reheat it the way you cooked it in the first place, a little extra liquid over a low heat in yer frypan.

    Put yer cookin oil in yer frypan, over a high heat, 8 or 9 on yer electric stove.  Git it hot.

    Clean an cut up yer tater in fairly large hunks.  Set aside.

    Put yer pork steak or chop in the oil an fry it on both sides till its browned purty good.  You can cook one or two or three or four at a time.  The taters an greens or kraut will git more of the meat fat an flavor the more meat you cook. This is purty good eatin with just one chop, an real good eatin with two chops er a large steak.  You could decrease the quantity of greens an tater fer one chop, but that would mean partial cans spoilin in the refrigerator and it ain't worth it.

    Add 1/2 to 3/4 cup a yer picante sauce.  Add enough water to the measurin cup to rinse out the remainder and toss that in.  Add yer tater.  Pour a can of yer greens or saurkraut on top.  Cover the frypan, turn heat down to a simmer, and go watch tv.  In 45 minnits er so, it will be cooked.  Make sure that the taters is cooked tender, dish it up an eat it.

    This hyere method of fryin then boilin/steamin food is called braisin.  It fits the batchiler style a cookin real good.  You spend 5 er 10 minnits in the citchin gittin the dish started, then you watch tv till its done.  It's real easy.  It's good fer cookin yer pork with, cause pork needs to be cooked purty thorough, till the meat gits hot enough to kill trichinosis eggs which are common in pork.  This recipe works real good with yer greens, or yer sauerkraut, and probably can be done with other canned er fresh vegetables er fruits.  The kraut an taters give it a real central european flavor, an the greens make it taste like southern home cookin.  You might want to make some corn bread ta go with it, which is real easy to do.


    Yer Tools

    TopTools

    TopYer Aluminum Foil is useful for several cookin tasks, normally wrappin something in to keep it from losin its moisture when cookin.

    TopYer Can Opener You can get dinky little can openers, army canopeners that are nothing but hook shaped razor blades with handles, that thing on your pocket knife that you use when you can't find anything else, all the way up to fancy electrically powered can openers that mount with brackets under your counter top. I always keep several can openers around. I have bought several at thrift shops, but never been satisfied with what I got. So I recommend getting this item new. Electrical can openers sound good, but, what good are they, they take up space, are touchy to clean, drop the can when their magnets get weak. Is it really that hard to use a manual can opener. Your can opener should be strongly built, and feel good in your hand. I favor the models with strong metal handles covered with that flexible plastic that covers the handles of a good set of pliers. The handle you turn to open the can should be broad enough so you can use it without irritating your thumb. Five or ten dollars new. Its worth it. Clean the circular blade that cuts the lid of the can regularly.

    TopCutting Board. This is a flat piece of material that you cut things on. It should be made of material firm enough to stop the knife, but not so hard that it dulls the knife or damages the blade. Today's cutting boards and surfaces are made of wood, plastic, marble or stone. The easiest to find are wood and plastic. These can be bought new or second hand at thrift stores, their quality is not really destroyed by use. There is argument about which kind are best for sanitary reasons. Some say wood gives bacteria a better place to grow, and others say that the small knife cuts made in plastic boards with use are just as good a home for bacteria. The lesson in this is to use what you want, but make sure you clean it after every use. Cleaning once in a while with a weak chlorine solution, i.e. about 1 teaspoon chlorine bleach in 1 gallon water is a good idea. Wood cutting boards need more care, needing to be treated periodically with cooking oil rubbed in to prevent water damage.Project 1:Yer Batchiler Salad Ingredients

    TopYer Colander No this ain't some furrin girls name. Yer Colander is a sort of strainer used in the kitchen to strain things with. Colanders can be bought second hand using a little common sense. A colander should have lots of holes in the bottom and or sides of roughly uniform size, large enough to let water through, and small enough to keep spaghetti, chopped vegetables and other stuff in. It should be strong, heat resistant, and should not look like it was used to separate nuts and bolts from the solution you used to clean grime and rust off of them last week. It should be large enough to hold a fair amount of food, a couple of platefull's at least. It should be cleaned after every use. This can be a chore since food sometimes gets stuck in the holes. But its got to be done. A wire mesh colander 8 to ten inches in diameter is a good choice. Project2:Yer Batchiler Sgheti Ingredients Project 21: Yer Batchiler Mashed Potatoes -)(-

    Top Yer nonstick cookie sheet is good for lotsa bakin stuff in the oven. You can use it fer oven fried chicken, to heat those fancy appetizers on, or even to make cookies on. It needs to be good nonstick, so you don't have a hard time cleanin up the mess. It don't need to be thick to conduct heat, cuz the heat is all around the food cookin in an oven. Not like fryin where the heat comes from a burner. I recommend gettin one new.Project 18: Yer Basic Chicken -)(- Project 19: Yer Batchiler Meatloaf -)(-

    TopYer Freezer, if you can afford it, I recommend buying this new. Most electronic appliances, especially nowadays with computer chips in everything are sold second hand because they messed up someone elses life. Mine is one that a freezer repair man gave me, when the one I bought second hand died. It was in his parents house and it still works. They don't make em like that anymore.

    TopYer Grater/Shredder this is a metal plate with holes punched or cut into it. You rub eggs, cheese, vegetables and stuff against the plate to grate or shred it. Food processors do the same thing, more easily, but are harder to clean up and more trouble to set up, so for one meal, the hand operated model is good. These can be bought second hand. Look for structural strength. The ones that are just a flat piece of metal tend to bend easy. The one I use has four sides, forming a pyramid with different kinds of gratin and shreddin holes on each side. It don't bend or break. Careful of your fingers when usin these, they will grate skin to. Project 11: Yer Egg Salad Dog -)(- Project 16: Yer Jalapeno Cheese Dog -)(-Project 19: Yer Batchiler Meatloaf -)(-

    TopYer grease disposal unit. Anytime you cook meat, you are gonna get grease. Bacon grease, hamburger grease, etc. My grandmother always poured this off into a can she kept around the stove for that purpose. Every few months I throw the more or less full can away. It is generally a coffee can.

    TopYer grease strainer is a little plastic part circle with holes in it that fits on the lip of yer frying pan and lets you strain the grease off. I own two or three I bought second hand in thrift stores for a quarter or so apiece. A colander over a coffee can works to.

    TopKnife. Good knives are fairly plentiful in these days of good strong cheap steel. You can find good knives for less than a dollar apiece at various thrift stores if you shop around. You can also get good knives in sets for reasonable prices at most kitchen shops. Look for stainless steel, solid construction, and a handle that is comfortable in your hand. You should look around and hunt through the thrift stores for knives you like and get a selection of different sizes and shapes. Battleaxes and two handed swords can be used to cut foods and crush garlic in the kitchen, but they do get awkward for some tasks.Project 1:Yer Batchiler Salad Ingredients

    TopKnife sharpener. That silly looking round bladed thing that comes with a lot of knife sets is a sort of knife sharpener. It is used a lot like a whet stone, and real chefs will whet their knives with it between every use. Like a whet stone, it take time and expertise to learn to use. I use a plastic handle which has two blades set in it at the correct angle to give a good cutting edge. When my knives get dull, I just run them through it once or twice, and then I am careful to not cut myself. I find I need to use it every two or three months. You should be able to find a similar gadget or even a powered version fairly easily. You don't absolutely have to have it for this project, but it deserves mention with the first mention of knives in the kitchen. Good craftsmen take care of their tools, and sharpening your knives is a necessary part of working in the kitchen. With material like stainless steel they don't need much more care except a place to store them which does not mess up their cutting edge.

    TopYer measurin cups. Batchiler cooks don't genrally measure stuff, but sometimes it works. So you should have a set on hand. These work fine second hand. Use common sense, buy cups that look like they will hold water, and have not been used in the garage. A set should let you measure ounces, partial cups, and more than one cup. I have two sets in my citichin one of cups and the other of scoops.

    TopFork and plate, spoon, butter knife etc. Plastic, silver paper or china, your choice. I am a plastic and paper man myself.

    TopYer frypan, small medium or large. Choose the size that fits what your cookin. Read about Yer Big Frypan for directions on how to buy these. Project2:Yer Batchiler Sgheti Ingredients Project2a.Yer Leftover Sghetti Ingredients-)(-Project 2b.Yer Sghetti Dog Ingredients -)(-Project 5: Rilly Rilly Basic Hamburger -)(-Project 5b: Batchiler Tacos -)(- Project 5c: Batchiler Creamed Beef -)(- Project 6: Picante Beanie Weenies -)(- Project 7: Yer Brekfist Dog -)(- Project 13: Yer Meatball Dog -)(- Project 17: Yer Basic Pancake -)(-

    TopYer Big Frypan A frying pan is one of the most versatile of all cooking tools. With a heat source you can cook almost anything in one. If it has steep sides, you can boil water and cook things in it that usually require a pot. A big frypan is more versatile than a little frypan. When buying pots and pans, quality is the number one consideration. You should try to get these items new. Different materials are used in their construction. The ancient standby is the cast iron frying pan. Cast iron has many virtues. It is thick enough to conduct heat well. It is thick enough to not warp under heat, and conduct heat well. It holds heat well, and makes it easier to maintain a constant temperature. It can be used on most heat sources including induction ovens. It can double as a home defense weapon in an emergency. The old standby joke of wives hitting their husbands over the head with the frying pan was based on this item. Women who cooked all day with cast iron cookware were doing the equivalent of several hours of constant sets with 5 and ten pound weights. In the hands of a woman like that, the cast iron frying pan was a weapon to be respected, even by the likes of Mike Tyson. On the other hand, it requires careful maintenance. It must be cured by heating oil in it until the oil forms a thin nonstick coating over most of its surface. Once cured, it cannot be washed except very carefully, and should never be scrubbed. Failure to maintain it carefully will make it rust, pit, and become a poor cooking tool. Batchilers will usually not want to do the careful maintenance required by cast iron. Modern cookware with durable nonstick coatings over an aluminum body are excellent tools. The thicker the metal making the body of the pan the better. Heat conduction is critical in cooking tools. The thicker the metal the better it conducts the heat. Even heating without hot and cold spots is critical in cooking tools. Thin metal will warp on the stove, causing it to heat unevenly, this will cause the food to burn in spots and not cook completely in others. The thicker the metal, the better it resists warping. Metal inserts in the base of the cookware are usually a good idea. Copper inserts help produce better and more even heat distribution. Steel inserts help to make the cookware more rigid and resist warping better, and make it possible to use the tool on an induction stove. Don't buy a cheap set of thin pots and pans. Not for yourself, and certainly not for your wife or girlfriend. Cheap tools are worth what you pay for them. Your big frypan should be about as large as you can get with a good nonstick coating. Say fifteen or sixteen inches in diameter. It should have steep nearly vertical sides. It should be made of thick metal, and should have a good high quality nonstick coating. Since it is large, it can be awkward to handle when filled with food or boiling water. Mine has handles on two sides a regular frying pan handle on one size and a Dshaped handle on the opposite side. This makes it easy to handle, no matter how full it is. Wearever and TFal are well known and reliable brands. Preferably it should come with a cover to simmer foods or prevent grease from splattering while frying foods. You should probably buy this new, and expect to pay between 15 and 30 dollars for a good one. Project2:Yer Batchiler Sgheti Ingredients

    TopYer Fancy Deep Fat Fryer is a great thing to have. These come in a variety of shapes and technicalities. I have a T'fal, with all sorts of safety features, preset temperature guidance on the dial, etc. It cost forty or fifty dollars, and it works fine. It is big enough to fry up portions for one guy easy. Since I got mine, I eat fried foods three or four times a week. Project 4: Yer Fried Potatoes -)(-Project 4a: Yer Crispy Fries -)(-

    TopYer metal strainer is a beastie of many shapes and sizes, it is nothing more than what it sounds like, a small metal colander can be substituted, or a large metal slotted fork or spatula. It can be bought second hand or new. It is used to remove fried foods from hot cookin oil. If usin a colander, you can put the colander in the pot or fryin pan and just lift it out when the food is ready.

    TopYer Microwave Oven. You know what this is. Good batchiler sized ones are available for form 80 to 100 dollars new. Buy it new. They are a little too complicated, and too prone to have things wrong with them from misuse to buy old.

    TopYer Medium Pot. Pots should be bought on the same principles that frying pans are bought by. Thick metal, good nonstick coating, etc. Expect to pay about the same for this item that you would for a frying pan. Buy it new if possible. It should hold 2 or 3 quarts. Project 8: Yer Ain't Been Boiled Egg -)(-Project 22: Yer Basic Rice -)(- Directions-)(-Project 21: Yer Batchiler Mashed Potatoes -)(-

    TopYer Hand Held Mixer is one of those electric gimmics for the citchin. It has different blades that fit in sockets in the front. You can use it easier most times than a fancier rig. I bought mine for a dollar in a thrift store an it works good, so you can get these second hand. Pretty simple mechanism.Project 21: Yer Batchiler Mashed Potatoes -)(-

    TopYer Dutch Oven is that big pot with the handles on both sides that comes with most sets of kitchen pots and pans. See notes on yer big fry pan about buyin one.

    TopPaper napkins or towels. I had a roommate once who always used paper napkins for everything I was used to usin paper towels for. I got the habit from him. I generally keep a big package of paper napkins in the citchin an use them for all the basic wipin and cleanin and drainin an stuff. I use cloth towels that I wash once in a while for the heavy work.

    Top Yer Potato Masher is one of those common citchin tools thet you wouldn't figger out whut it was in a hunerd yahrs ifn you didn't know. It has a handle, like a spatula, and a masher at a 90 degree angle. The masher might be a heavy wire bent back an forth a few times, or it might be a plastic grate. The whole idear is to push this thing through sum cooked taters till they is mashed. Ricers do the same job. You can get this second hand if you want, or buy it new. Works the same either way. It ain't thet funny hammer looking thing with the diamond headed face, thet thing is a meat tenderizer.Project 21: Yer Batchiler Mashed Potatoes -)(-

    TopYer Sghetti Holder Unless you are Hoss Cartwright or Regrigerator Perry, you are probably not going to use all the spaghetti in a package you buy in one meal. So you need something to store your dried spaghetti in. This is a problem because most containers are shorter than the spaghetti is. If you just close the plastic bag it comes in with a rubber band, it is an invitation to cockroaches or mice. There are fancy long containers sold for this, but most of them don't seal tightly. Those that do cost an arm and a leg. I store mine in a 3 liter plastic pop bottle. The bottle is long enough to hold spaghetti without breaking it. The cap closes it airtight. The plastic stops most kitchen varmints. The size of the neck is about the same as the circle on one of those fancy spaghetti measurers that are sold to measure out a serving of spaghetti for different numbers of people. So with a little practice you can use it to measure the right amount of spaghetti for you to eat. Another good thing about this is its not too fancy. If you have a lot of fancy containers around your kitchen, that girl you are cooking for might think you are gay and act strange when you make a pass at her. Even worse, some gay guy might think you are gay and make a pass at you. So the 3 litre pop bottle is the sghetti holder of choice for the batchiler kitchen. These bottles can be used to store lots of foods in, lentils, barley, beans, macaroni and other pastas, sugar, rice, etc. Though, you need a good funnel to pour the stuff in. If you hunt around, you can find a funnel at automotive stores, or in those dollar stores, that will fit into the mouth of the pop bottle like it was designed for it.

    TopYer Spatula is that thingumie that you use when frying things. It has a handle, and a wide rectangular flat blade at about a 30 degree angle to the handle. You use it to flip eggs an pancakes over when frying them. You use it to stir things in pots and pans when you are cookin. It can be bought used or new, they ain't expensive. The material should be chosen accordin to the kind of pots an pans you got. The plastic ones is best for nonstick. You need metal for metal grills and frypans that ain't nonstick. It's a good idea to have several around yer citchin.

    TopYer stirrin bowl. Cookin requires mixin things up in containers. Bowls is good fer this. You can buy bowls second hand usin common sense, an lots are available purty cheap at these everthins a dollar stores. You should have a few in yer kitchen, though for most batchiler cookin, small eatin size bowls work fine. Yer Small Frypan works good as a stirrin bowl, an yer other frypans work good for larger projects, and bein probably nonstick, is real easy to clean. Project 17: Yer Basic Pancake -)(-Project 19: Yer Batchiler Meatloaf -)(-

    TopYer Deep Fat (Candy) thermometer is a high temperature thermometer used in deep fat frying and candy makin. Mine measures from 100 to 400 degrees Fahrenheit, has a clip on it for mountin it on the side of the pot you are cookin in and came with simple directions for calibration. Buy this item new. Mechanical guages, temperature and otherwise get out of calibration, and unless you are good at calibratin guages, you will never know if your temperature is right with a second hand one. Whin usin it, make sure that the probe does not touch the side or bottom of the pot or pan you a